So far my days are filled with a lot of laughter and contentment. I'm finding that being single isn't bad at all but I kind of already knew that since it was only 3 years ago I was single. I always thought that by the time a person is the age of 30 they should be situated in life - House, car, family & career etc. I tend to feel like a failure because I don't have what I thought I should. Being now 38 I feel "it" will never happen for me since it hasn't happened by now. I'm starting to dig deeper inside of who I am, just searching for an answer... something... anything and for some odd reason - I come up with nothing. I'm usually the upbeat life of the party type but lately it seems like I'd rather be in the comfort of my own home. I have friends and family that I cherish with every inch of me but ever since (he) betrayed me I'm left gathering up what's left of my "old" future plans. Trying to swallow all of this whole is the hardest part. I didn't want to be single again. I didn't choose to make the final call. I was forced to or he would have used me forever. I can't allow an outsider to mutilate what little self esteem I do have. I would have never forgiven myself if I had. Being alone and single is far better than being with someone who doesn't care enough about you to stay faithful. I'm just pissed off at myself for giving him a second chance after he failed me the first time. As much as it pained me when I found out I meant nothing to him I had to cut him loose. I wanted so badly to try to "make" him love me but that wouldn't have been realistically thinking. My mind was replaying everything he had ever said to me and to accept the fact that it was nothing more than lies had consumed me. I don't go by what people say I focus on their actions. I once liked to believe that what people said they meant but after a few hundred slashes to the heart the scar tissue has become tough and my wall has been put back up & reinforced. The one thing that keeps me smiling is the thought of "maybe someday".
Being single is far better than having someone who doesn't care enough about you to be faithful.