Skip to main content

Faded feelings...

I gave it my best shot and have realized you can't overcome everything. I'm pretty much letting go of the past and moving on.. in a different direction than Matt. I know I said we were going to give it another shot but I knew deep down that I wouldn't be able to smile like I once did. My heart was happy before he failed me. I smiled form the inside out and why should I settle for anything less than that because HE failed? I didn't do anything wrong so I'm not losing out on anything but a dream I created in my head. Who I THOUGHT he was and who he IS are way off. He was prince charming just long enough to lure me in and as soon as I was hooked his true colored began to show. Me on the other hand never altered who I was because I have been content for so long with who I am I didn't find a need to be anyone different.

It sucks but I can't lie to myself any longer. Plus - I know there is someone out there waiting on me to come on with the come on. Matt has ALOT of growing up to do and I don't think that is going to happen anytime soon. So I have to do me for once without worrying about someone else feelings. Matt is gonna be hurt when I break it down to him (don't know when that will be but whatever... He never gave me any warning shots when he blew my world into pieces so why grant him one?)

Like I said I gave it my best shot and that is the best I can do. Now I just need to get my ducks in a row and figure out where I'm going from here.Getting up and moving out isn't as simple as it sounds so what I think I'm going to do is do what has been done to me for so many years... Imma play his ass till I'M ready to leave. Heck, 99% of the things in this apartment are mine anyway...

He has NO IDEA how much I don't love him anymore
Hell - I cared to much in the past to give a damn now.

Popular posts from this blog

Grannie Garza

This is NOT the kind of thing I ever wanted to type anytime soon. Today I had to tell my mom "so long". She found out last July that she had lymphoma - It's a type of cancer that is in nasal passage I think. Either way she passed away today at 1:32 PM at Mercy Hospital. I'm REALLY gonna miss her BUT I KNOW she was saved without a doubt. That alone makes it so much better letting her go. I am blessed that the Lord has laid a peace over me like I have never felt or had happen to me before. I am relaxed, at ease & just missing her already. Diamond & I missed her time of passing & I think as a few others think that she & God had that panned. We were not gone from the hospital room for 60 seconds & she passed away. She wasn't in any pain or uncomfortable (not that we could tell anyway). Knowing my mom she probably wanted something moved, lifted or adjusted. That's just her LOL. I don't even know if it has hit me yet. I still feel the sho...
Read more

Just hanging out....

 Gosh David has got to be one of the coolest men I have ever come in contact with. He's got crazy motivation, integrity, dedication, honesty and the list goes on! He and I walked the beach boardwalk and around to the oval. We figured it to be 3.5 miles - at a brisk pace it's a decent walk. I feel really good about all of this walking stuff. We rode up to see his parents and sister (my first time ever meeting them I might add) it was a nice drive and a nice visit. David is VERY family oriented and to watch his interact with his parents was so neat and refreshing. His mom is very much like me but half my size lol and his dad is a one of a kind jokster. For just meeting them, I have to say - I could get used to them real quick. After the visit with the fam we went over to Davids friends place in the Oaks - Talk about a great time. Being the second time I've been there - My abs hurt from laughing so hard. David and I have such good times together... It feels like we haven't...
Read more

Guess whos back...

My old self ...with FLAIR! I've waited to exhale for more than 7 years now and I believe I can finally say - I'm there. Without diving off into the deep end I want to say - I'm doing great! It feels really good to be back too. I was so 'sheltered' and uncomfortable without even knowing it at the time. Now that I'm seeing things a bit clearer all I can say is W~O~W! If ever you do step outside of the box, Don't be all too surprised when the box isn't at all what you thought it was.
Read more