I made myself laugh today... It was just a week or two ago I was looking at wedding rings and diamonds and things like that. Now that is the furthest thing from my mind. I got all hyped up over nothing again. Set myself up just to get knocked down. It was a nice gesture but nothing critical. The negatives outweighed the positives like they always do. My how things change so sudden for me all the time. If it wasn't Sean being too "busy" to even call me once a week it's some married guy who's undecided on what he want's to do with himself in his own marriage. Does he wanna stay - does he wanna go... Hell - I don't know why it comes as a shock to me this time around. It's been years that he's been 'undecided' and aint shit gonna change but the weather. Flip a fucking coin already, shit or get off the pot for crying out loud. But I guess that would be too much like right eh... I swear I really know where to find em. If there is a man who's all fucked up I'll be the only one who's finds him out of a crowd of a million. I don't know what is it with the misfits and me. It can not be impossible to meet someone who's single and ready to just settle the hell down. I know it's not always going to be cupcakes with sprinkles and purple ribbons all the time but damn - I'll settle for one nice week out of a month with someone. They don't even have to put in the whole 50% - I'd deal with a good 35% right about now. I'm tired of not having someone to make plans with but not tired enough to settle for just anyone. I'd like to meet someone I can make friends with at first and then possibly have it turn into something more serious. Someone with common sense and a heart of gold. Someone who is as giving as I am. I don't show the real me to anyone unless we're exclusive. So not too many guys even know the real me. I just show em what I want them to see at first and if I don't think it's going anywhere I tend to clam up. Gosh - I just know there has to be one man out there who is looking for someone just like me... or at least I hope there is. I haven't been able to let go with someone in a very long time and I miss that. I like who I become when someone treats me right. It's not about the sex either... It's just about having someone on my side.
Anywho - Nothing really exciting to talk about just me and my dull lame days.
I think I'm gonna go make some pizza rolls