I have thought that nothing would have me raise an eyebrow... I've even said it. BUT either I'm in the twilight Zone, waking up from a dream or have a really creative imagination. What I thought never was - and what is always will be. That "guy" that I was talking to has 'left the building'. As in - disappeared into mid air. Changed his phone number, deleted his facebok and tagged profile and is just gone right out of the blue. No signs, no reason no nothing - to me anyway. I never pressured him, I'm not the jockin' type (anyone who knows me knows that much about me) I never said anything out of line to him ... so, my guess is he's married or has a girlfriend and she caught wind that he was talking to me and made him get rid of his on line presence and change his phone number (funny thing is I bought him the phone he changed the number to). There isn't any other reason that makes any sense. After allowing this to soak in for 24 hours I did however send him a letter that states:
I know it was only a month and a half and I know that he could have been nothing like he claimed to have been but ... WHY? Why bother talking to someone for 2 to 3 hours at a time on the phone just to say things that aren't true? The hundreds of texts he and I sent back and fourth was insane - so Why? I find it next to impossible to fake the things he and I talked about - it was platonic subjects. Our humor matched, sarcasm, wittiness damn near everything so WTF was to gain from talking to some girl he meets on line ??? I wasn't looking for a man when he and I contacted one another. I knew he wasn't either... we had an unspoken agreement yet for him to just vanish without even telling me anything at all is not only selfish but this wall I have up is only getting higher and thicker. I don't want a boyfriend right now - I don't even want someone to answer to. All I want is someone who can be open and honest with me. I just want to make plans with someone every now and again. I'm in no position to have a boyfriend. I don't have "baggage" but I'm still gun-shy from the last trainwreck I was in. I need some time to mourn, heal and get back on my feet. The very last thing I want is someone telling me what to do where to go and asking me questions all over again. I'm NOT the rebound type nor am I the "gottahaveaman" girl. Trusting an "outsider" isn't something I am able to do right now. I have too much doubt to trust anyone in all honesty. And people wonder why?!?! Call me crazy but uhhh....
Anywho, I'm alone but NOT lonely - and I'm single but not without. My friends are what keep me going and I only have a handful. I keep to myself and don't bullshit anyone anymore. I'm waiting as patiently as I possibly can but sometimes the wait seems longer than the worth... (if that makes any sense).
"Hey XXXXXX, I would be able to understand if you could have just told me to fuck off."
He should be receiving that by mid next week. Should I have even bothered? I dunno - but it's in the big blue box that sits on the side of the street next to the USPS office right now so it's "curtains".I know it was only a month and a half and I know that he could have been nothing like he claimed to have been but ... WHY? Why bother talking to someone for 2 to 3 hours at a time on the phone just to say things that aren't true? The hundreds of texts he and I sent back and fourth was insane - so Why? I find it next to impossible to fake the things he and I talked about - it was platonic subjects. Our humor matched, sarcasm, wittiness damn near everything so WTF was to gain from talking to some girl he meets on line ??? I wasn't looking for a man when he and I contacted one another. I knew he wasn't either... we had an unspoken agreement yet for him to just vanish without even telling me anything at all is not only selfish but this wall I have up is only getting higher and thicker. I don't want a boyfriend right now - I don't even want someone to answer to. All I want is someone who can be open and honest with me. I just want to make plans with someone every now and again. I'm in no position to have a boyfriend. I don't have "baggage" but I'm still gun-shy from the last trainwreck I was in. I need some time to mourn, heal and get back on my feet. The very last thing I want is someone telling me what to do where to go and asking me questions all over again. I'm NOT the rebound type nor am I the "gottahaveaman" girl. Trusting an "outsider" isn't something I am able to do right now. I have too much doubt to trust anyone in all honesty. And people wonder why?!?! Call me crazy but uhhh....
Anywho, I'm alone but NOT lonely - and I'm single but not without. My friends are what keep me going and I only have a handful. I keep to myself and don't bullshit anyone anymore. I'm waiting as patiently as I possibly can but sometimes the wait seems longer than the worth... (if that makes any sense).
Quote of the day: My biggest fear is that I'll never be able to fully trust